the nursing department meeting of january 2006

Ava:  Ladies, ladies - this meeting must come to order because it's now 3:00 and i'm going home at 4:30, so close your mouths and let's get down to business.  first on the agenda, you see we have new forms to replace the old ones.  i can't find anything different about them, although i've held them side by side and compared every line and can find no changes except for the revision date.  so ladies, please be careful when using this particular form.  the revision date MUST read 2006, otherwise, you're using the old one.  ok?  got that?

malloy, a reservist:  yes MA'AM, we hear you MA'AM!

Ava:  smartass.  ok, moving along.  we have a gentleman on south unit who has been locked up for raping a relative.  his ex-wife contacted the department of correction and has suggested that he has _____ disease.  this particular disease makes a person do things he wouldn't normally do, and since his crime is not something he would normally do, she has researched and now wants us to order tests to rule out _______ disease.  she must've dug deep for this one - i never even heard of it.

malloy, reservist:  aha!  i smell an appeal.

ava:  yep, yep and she wants the taxpayers to foot the bill for it.  we'll pass that info onto the next unit.  he's here until he gets a permanent assignment.  next on the agenda, we have a new protective control inmate.  i have been told i cannot retire until this man is released from the system.  he was sentenced to 325 years, so y'all had best get used to me.  moving right along...it has come to my attention that some of us are leaving before our 8 hours are over.  and so, to combat this problem - you have to sign the deviation book if you leave early.  failure to do this will result in a comment on your TAPS, which means you will not get a decent raise based on your evaluation.  and don't tell me that you haven't had a decent raise in five years - i know this. 

agy, who loves money more than chocolate or...life:  no ma'am, we do not get raises here, but still the money is better than what i make in my native country.  we need raise so i can send money home, ho-ney, so i will sign the deviation book no matter what!  hahahaha!

ava:  see that you do!  ok, ladies, that will do it for this meeting.  we should have more time at the next one.  oh!  i forgot to mention the thing we always mention at the end of our meetings.  agy, do you want to tell us what that is?

agy: YES!  DO NOT have sex with inmates!

ava:  how could i have forgotten that?  y'all might laugh, but in the past, we've had to walk many a nurse to the gate for just that reason, so it's mandatory that we mention it. now, y'all behave your danged selves.

en masse:  yes ma'am

ava:  and don't call me ma'am!

en masse:  yes, ma'am.

ava:  hmmph.  i'm going home now.  meeting adjourned.

 

tagged

50 things you might not know about me -- erase my answers and put in your own, then repost in your own journal.  Make sure you tag 3 people to join in. Post their links & let them know they've been tagged.... HAVE FUN!!

1. What is your middle name?  gail

2. What size is your bed?  queen

3. What are you listening to? my son, asking for the phone
4. What are the last two digits in your phone number? 04

5.  What was the last thing you ate?  fried chicken!

6.  Last person you hugged? my sister, jen

7.  How is the weather right now?  rainy

8.  Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?  someone in ent clinic at central prison.

10.  Do you have a bf/gf/spouse/sig other? that question is not so black and white as it seems.

12.  Do you drink?  on rare occasion

13.  Ever get so drunk you don't remember the entire night?  nope. 

14.  Hair color?  mostly dark brown, some gray in there now

15.  Eye color?  light brown
16.  Fav baseball team? just can't get into baseball

17.  Fav animal?   Spike, I think.

18.  Favorite season?  autumn

19.  Ever cried for no reason?  well..yes.

20.  Last movie you watched? Ice Age yesterday with the kids

29.  What book are you reading?  The Walking Drum by Louis L'Amour, Standing in the Rainbow, by Fannie Flagg, and Cold Mountain.  I forget the author.  The book was on the shelf, so...

30.  Piercings?  ears

31.  Favorite movie?  ooh, i don't know..when harry met sally, i think.

32.  Favorite college team? duke

33.  What are you doing right now?  drinking coffee and plotting the course of the day...multitasking

34.  Any pets?  yes

35.  Dog or cat?  Both, and a couple of kids

37.  Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to?  sure have

38.  Have you ever loved someone?  well of course

39.  Who would you like to see right now? nobody...haven't had enough coffee yet.

40.  Are you still friends with your ex's?  Not really

41.  Have you ever fireda gun?  yes

42.  Do you like to travel by plane? yes, have done that only a couple of times, but it was fun.

43.  Right or left handed?  right

44.  If you could be with someone right now, who would it be?  not sure

45.  How many pillows do you sleep with?  1 to 2

46.  Are you missing someone?  no...used to, but not now.

47.  Do you have a tattoo?  no, but i'm considering getting one.  maybe a butterfly, somewhere not visible.

48.  Do you watch cartoons on Saturday morning?  Not anymore...cartoons are just too violent.

49.  Are you hiding something from someone?  why, yes.  i'm hiding my natural shyness from everybody who sets foot in the office.

50.  Do you play an instrument?  no- wish i could play piano and guitar.  the closest thing i come to playing a musical instrument is whistling.

Who am I tagging?

whoever wants to play

i just haven't

been good about reading other blogs this week, and i apologize.  was a tough week, and i'm just now shedding my howard hughes state of reclusivity and peeking out into the world since i locked all the doors and let my brain rest on friday afternoon.

it has been my experience that there are tons of good blogs out there in j-land, blogspot, etc.  and i have enjoyed them immensely.  among my favorites is real live preacher, from texas.  he isn't on aol, you can find him at reallivepreacher.com.  he's unlike any pastor i've ever read. he started out anonymously, and you can bet your bottom dollar there was a reason for that.  he was unlike any pastor i've ever read - threw in a cuss word every now and then, wrote of times his faith faltered, wrote about what angered him.  he is an amazing talent - and he can preach to me anytime.  he's genuine, and i respect him.  i took the liberty of emailing him, and he always responded.  to make a long story short - he was found out by members of his congregation.  he was also discovered by a publisher, and now has a book out.  the title is the same as his blog.  Real Live Preacher.

ironically, i can't remember the name of the next blog that made a lasting impression on me, but i can tell you this - it was hilariously written by a warped mind, and the first time i read it, i literally HOWLED. my family thought i had finally fallen over the edge - tears were streaming down my face, i had laughed to hard. the blog was complete fiction (i hope), and the character writing the blog was the housewife from hell.  i'll have to find the name, and when i do, i'll let you know about it.

the next blog on my long list is aunt dubby's ugly green couch, which the author stopped writing. i hate that - aunt dubby was great!  i hope she's out there mooning over antonio banderas, or even better, has moved in with him.  she would like that.

this morning, after abandoning seclusion, i pulled up my local newspaper online and lo and behold - six of their reporters now have blogs.  it's a good way to involve the public in current events, opinions, etc...and hopefully, the project won't degenerate into flame wars, etc. but you never know.  it's a risk, but i'm sure the editors have a firm grasp over posted responses.

blogging has become HUGE.  it's interesting to see how the media utilizes them, how some authors are discovered, and what people use them for - i.e., self-promotion to the opposite sex, editorializing, or just plain journaling.  it's also a wonderful way to "meet" some good people.  i've been quite fortunate in that department.

y'all are great.

hugs,

mara

well, i got the phone call

telling me i didn't get the job.  i already knew that, so it wasn't a surprise.  the good news is - the hospital administrator is the one who called me and he said, and i quote -

"you're a valued employee, and we want to see you advance.  i wouldn't normally say this, but there will be a job opening coming up very soon.  keep an eye out on the listings and be ready."

and then, i had another phone call, from my former boss who said..."there's a job listing coming up on tuesday of next week.  fill out the application and fax it asap."  i said, ok, but be honest with me, carol - is there a good chance that the slot is mine?  she said - oh, definitely.  most definitely.  she said she'd negotiate for a higher salary than i'm getting now, and we discussed a few points she wants me to be prepared for.

and so, i'm going home to the hospital.  it'll probably be february or march...but i'm going home, and i'm so glad.

and so today

i went for the interview.  thank you, sandi, for crossing everything!  and niki...you're right.  if it's meant to be, it will be.  i'm one of those fortunate souls that God has picked up by the seat of her slacks and deposits where he wants me to be. 

the interview went fairly well.  the hospital administrator, who was on the interview team, put me at ease right away.  those interview teams are intimidating...it's like you're on trial, with all those people staring at you and writing furiously as you answer questions.  but he was nice...

what y'all don't know is, i'm famous in the state capitol.  actually, the word is infamous.  the job i have now came with minimal training, and i suppose we secretaries are supposed to intuitively know what procedures to follow when all phone calls to the unit we actually work for, fail.  i ordered a 2000 $ piece of equipment for an inmate.  it was ur approved, my boss said - DO it!  and i did.  unfortunately...i didn't fill out the proper paperwork, get approval from the superintendent (although it was medical equipment) because I had no clue it was supposed to be done, and so...the hospital administrator who interviewed me today had to intervene on my behalf.  after that, if i needed help, i emailed him directly and his famous line - i'll get back to you!  never happens until he sees me making a supply run at the hospital.

and when he smiled and i knew what he was thinking, i had to sparkle.  couldn't stop myself, or the personality surge that accompanied the sparkle.

i don't believe the job is mine...but this interview went smoothly, and i'll be better next time around.

as for the rest of the day, my boss popped into my office and said - i knew something was going on with all these inmates milling about in the hallways and on the block!  she said this, then announced she was going to her office and so i said - can i come with you?

she told me all about it.  the inmates from the north unit have been hanging out in central, around the nurses station and on I-block, which houses regular population.  at the unit that employees me, which is minimum custody, they would be charged with being in an unauthorized area and written up.  that hasn't happened at a higher security unit.  i think that's odd...

the deal is, the north unit inmates who are hanging out are gang members.  not sure which gang they belong to, but today, finally, the institution set into motion the old rules that should have been followed.  during med call, I-block will be locked down.  the north unit inmates won't be allowed to mingle with them or any other block on central.  that's good news.  i just hope they caught it in time.

 

a case of nerves

I did get an interview.  Sophia called me yesterday, while I was in Gentry's office doing data entry for her.

"Hey girl, I'm calling to schedule an interview.  How about 9:00 tomorrow morning?"

Tomorrow!?  That's awfully fast, but yes, 9:00 tomorrow (today) will be fine...

not sure why i'm so nervous.  i know these people.  of course, that could be a drawback, their knowing me.  preconceived notions and all that.  and besides, i have an idea that they already have chosen a specific person for the job...so why be nervous?

lord, i don't know. don't have time to think about it.  on the plus side, i saw my evaluation yesterday.  i was like...wow, you like me.  you really like me!  or at least, they like my work...

i have to get beautiful and professional now. y'all...wish me luck.  cross your fingers and your toes and anything else you can cross...and have a great day.

descanso

there are few sights that strike me silent and that cut to the center, but on Sunday, I saw just that.

There were three men and a little boy. He must have been twelve years old. They had gone to the site where his father had been hit by a vehicle while bike riding.

The boy stood with his back to where his father’s body had lain. His face was round and solemn, his eyes full of what he was holding back. He looked like he was afraid that, if he breathed, everything would come spilling, and while he faced away, the three men dug a hole for the memorial.

Yellow flowers, so out of place in the January cold. A pretty bouquet surrounded by stones to mark the spot where their loved one had last breathed.

In Mexico, they build descansos, markers or shrines, by roadsides as reminders that the road does not forgive. If the men and boy were in their native country, I could imagine them erecting a cross. But there they were, in the United States, less than a half mile from my home, placing sunset flowers in January…

a reminder the road does not forgive, and that the broken heart of a small boy who mourns his father cannot forget.

a conversation with rosie

a conversation with rosie

i had no intention of bringing up the subject - none whatsoever, until rosie became little hitler.  it all started when my favorite lipstick disappeared.  next on the list was a brand new tube of mascara, then the little wooden rolly thing for massaging the feet that came with a bath set.  i found them all, piled neatly under the sofa where rosie had rolled them all.  but the final straw came yesterday morning when i had to fight her for the blouse i had chosen to wear to work.

let go of it!  i pulled, she wrapped her claws around it just a little bit more.  rosie, i have to get ready for work.  let go!

no.  it's mine.

don't be ridiculous - you can't wear this.  it's a hundred times too big for you, and besides - you have your own fur coat, for pete's sake.

doesn't matter.  it's mine.  it's ALL mine - that includes the makeup, too.  and the paper towels - or what's left of 'em.

there was a look very much like satisfaction on her face when she uttered that last sentence, and that's when i decided to bring it up.

i was quiet for moment, weighing whether to reason with this little grey beast or blast her with facts.  i decided on the calmer voice.

you know, rosie, i read something on the internet a few days ago..

she rolled her eyes.  so what else is new?

it was about a cat in ohio.  you know what that cat did?

no clue.

that cat's owner fell from his wheel chair and couldn't get to the phone, and she called 911!  a selfless act of love. c'mon, i'll show you the article.  i bookmarked it.

i pried her claws out of my blouse, tucked her under my arm and headed for the computer screen and pulled up the article.

see!  there it is. 

rosie's ears flattened.  she assumed a bored expression and refused to look at the screen.

sorry, i can't read.

well, there's a picture!  such a noble animal, too. 

i bet he feeds her the good cat food.  that in itself deserves heroic efforts in order to maintain status quo.

rosie, i feed you the good stuff.

and that's when rosie took control of the conversation.

coot tried to bury the last bag you bought, in case you didn't notice.  i'd sure hate for something to happen to you, because if we were the only others in the house, you wouldn't have a prayer!

what's wrong it?! 

it smells funny.

you know, there are cats starving in ethiopia.  they'd be glad to have your food. 

for the money you'd spend in shipping it there, you could buy something worth eating for ME.

rosie!

and while we're on the subject - you could do better about changing the litter box.  and it has come to my attention via the television that there are snacks you could buy.  we would like fish flavored, thank you very much.  and you know that pretty little bracelet in your jewelry box?  it's mine.  and next time you go to walmart, pick up an extra pillow.  i'm not fond of the lavender you spray on your pillowcase - it's the only reason i don't take that, too.

she wriggled out of my arms and gave me an indignant look.

i'm so glad we had this conversation, she told me.  you may have your blouse - you'll need it to earn money for everything i require.

and then she swaggered away with the dignity of the evil queen she is.

i feel a trip to the vet coming on.

the scene of an accident

this evening, just as i had pulled on my sleep pants and old t-shirt, the pager went off.  pedestrian struck, my road.  i didn't think much about it until they gave the address - my neighbor's.

that particular neighbor is my ex-brother-in-law, and so i shot out the door, sleep pants, no shoes, t-shirt, wet hair...what if it was one of the kids?

but it wasn't.  as i drove up to billy's, i could see in the road a tennis shoe...a glove...and there by the fence - no, under the fence, was the victim.  adult male, multiple trauma.  he was posturing.  head injury...beyond doubt, internal injuries.

he had been riding a bike into the sun, and at the time of day when it happened, the sun is all you can see.  it's all the driver of the van saw.

billy heard the collision.  he said it sounded like a load of lumber had dropped in the road.

i can't fault the driver of the van.  i know what it's like to drive this road at 4:30.  maybe he could have gone slower, don't know.  certainly can't fault the bicyclist, who probably never knew what hit him.

but you wonder, don't you, about the collision point of lives that result in death, and try to make sense of it all.  i can't.

 

Owning the Room

The time has come for some of us to think of ourselves as what we are - older women.  Wait - before you call Lady Clairol and consult a plastic surgeon, there's good news about being an older woman, and that news is -

we've been there, done that.  We have learned from experience, we've paid our dues, and it's our time.  From age 41 up, we have come to a confident place in our lives and no longer live to be people pleasers - we have the freedom to give to ourselves what we gave others during our younger years, and there's not one reason to feel guilty about it.

I read an article about the Power of Older Women this past Sunday, and was struck by its verity.  A confident woman can walk into a room and own the danged the thing, no matter her age or degree of beauty.  And she doesn't have to settle for half measures or sitting on fences...she's free to go, or stay - but it's her decision, and within her power to make that decision.

You know, being older myself, it makes sense now - men are more attentive than they were when I was younger.  Frankly, I thought I must be looking old and frail or something, but, I can walk into a room and own it, without trying, because I'm at ease.  Just an observation there.  I bet a lot of more mature women have noticed the same thing, and if they're like me, completely surprised by it.

all about time

ah, i feel like rambling a little bit tonight, so y'all bear with me.  debted sent me a beautiful email - a page from a daily motivation site, and so i explored it and found quotes.  you've seen those, no doubts - sites that email you a daily quote as some kind of motivational device to start your day.  well, i found one that said something like...

time isn't something you find.  it's something you take.

how true that is!  you can come up with dozens of reasons for not finding it, but what reason can you give for not taking it?  it's right there - all you have to do is grab a little for yourself or someone else...

i'm thinking time must be like chocolate cake.  you might take a slice if you say to hell with the diet (routine).  you might cut an extra if the first one is good, might even share it with another person - but you can always go back on the diet and it won't take long to catch up again.

and then there's time as the benevolent thief.  it does soften blows or hurts.  you'll remember them, yes...but time is mitigating...and you'll have to work to recall some events or people,  while others won't take effort at all.

as for me, time has robbed my widow's peak of the dark brown that is my natural hair color, but it has afforded me opportunity to sit in this chair and type ridiculous ramblings such as this one. 

oh, and another well known fact about time - it slips away so quietly...and still it's hard to learn to use wisely.  this might be a good time to start.

have a great week, ladies.

 

a breath of fresh air

on christmas eve, she sat on my sofa singing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, off key.  then she stopped, motioned to me with her hand and said - i need some back-up here!

and so we sang.  and then, she decided to ask Santa Dale (my son) questions.

Santa, what do you do when your team has to make a pit-stop?  Doesn't that slow you down, or do they just hold it until the night's over?

of pancakes, she says to my son - yours are good, but your mom's are better.  she puts rainbows and hearts in hers.  see how light they are?

no, she's not sucking up.  she's just FUN, my son's girlfriend is.  her name is jessica, and i am SO happy my son had the good sense to find her, for purely selfish reasons.  number one, she's good for him.  she makes him take responsibility and opens his eyes to other possibilities.  she has a head on her shoulders!.  number two - she plays scrabble, and NOW i have a scrabble partner!  and she's a girlie-girl, but there's no fluff in that brain of hers.  she's older than her 18 years, and has the gifts of empathy, compassion and a super intelligence.

i hope he doesn't mess this up. ;-)

 

a week of opportunities

this has been a strange week.  work has gone ok.  still the same old rush here, rush there, not enough hours in the day...but my old boss has offered me a job.

would be a lateral move - no increase in pay.  there would be a lot less stress and responsibility, though, and that in itself is a prime benefit.  i'm considering the offer.  the people at the institution where i work are great, but the stress....not sure it's worth it.  was talking with my sister-in-law, who worked at the prison for years before i ever got into the system.  she said stress was the reason she left, too.

so maybe the job offer will work out.  i hope so...i've proved to myself i can handle a job with an incredible amount of responsibility, but it will never lead anywhere better.

saying prayers for the families in west virginia.

 

you don't always get what you pray for...

but we have to try.

i just read that one body has been found in the west virginia mine that exploded.  there are twelve poor souls trapped underground...and their families are holding their breaths.

knowing this community, nobody has to ask for prayers...so let's send up some extras and hope somebody gets a miracle from it.

well shoot

sorry, guys.  i know this is the third time.  any advice would be much appreciated.

i've been tagged by both Shadie and Lori to tell five weird things about me. I've already done it - but no doubt, will have NO problem coming up with five more. and by the way, if the html i've tried to use here doesn't work, i'm sorry...not quite sure how to go about it in j-land.

1. i prefer the company of my dogs to most humans i know. they're sweet, ya know, and don't ask a thing but to be patted and fed.

 2. i like louis l'amour books 3. i watched "a beautiful mind" and was fascinated.

 4. when shopping with my son in grocery stores, i assume the persona of Natasha. It includes a russian accent and broken english. marked down items? Looook, ees stale cake! ees bargain, we must buy! he loves it, the store clerks are not amused.

5. i have flashes of something like esp. a lot of them. doesn't always work, but often enough to make people look at me funny when it happens and they see a short time later that it happened. ok, that's it for me. i'm not gonna tag anybody because i already did...but next time, look out! gonna get you all. sure wish there were a preview setting on this thing. aol, are you listening??

a room with focus

my goodness, the year went out with such a bang.  it was like an implosion or an epiphany - something that rocks your world, and when the smoke clears, you see with unerring eyes.

on new year's eve, i worked like a demon on this room from where i type.  the end result was, i'm now surrounded by trinkets and framed poems that have great sentimental value attached - and it occurred to me - this is my scrapbook, set up on these shelves for display.

there are music cd's that hold piano solos. old valentine's gifts - hearts that say i love you.  the poem lisa wrote for my birthday and sent to me for christmas, signed and framed.  a book by shel silverstein roy sent me when gracie died.  all the books that spoke to me a deeper message...my award from the national correctional hospital commission, candles, for the shrine. pictures of my children and grandchildren.  i have tons of pens and notebooks for the moment the muse strikes - and if i can read my own handwriting, they'll come in handy.

i resigned from the poetry boards.  i'll read there, yes, but i won't participate anymore, especially after the letter i received from one where i was a long standing member/moderator that said i had been inactive and that i must make comments - one word responses would not "appease" the great lady of poetry.  and so i quit.  when i have time to "appease" anyone, it will be someone of importance to me...

and there are places i've turned from and didn't know i was turning, those old places in my heart i hung onto because i didn't know how to let go.  it's a good thing that what lies at our center knows and does the job gradually, or we'd be clinging the rest of our lives to what is long past.

and this room reflects it.  it holds what meant something to me and is prepared for the future.

yes, i cleaned like a demon, clearing out and creating a mausoleum for what slipped away or shriveled, was saying goodbye...and didn't even know it.