rambling to my heart's content

last thursday, sameh, one of our physicians, held an inservice on hyperinsulinemia.  i love to hear him talk - he has an egyptian accent and pronounces all his th's as z's. 

ze petient would not be compliant to his treatment and because of zis, i am discharging him todeh.

gotta love it.

but - he spoke to us on insulin and revealed to us his secret for the 90 lb. weight loss. insulin makes us fat. we eat all these high carb, refined sugar foods and our body can't convert it to energy so eet tells ze liver - liver, keep zis for lehter when we will need it because we can find no food. and of course, we always find food and ze sugar is stored as fat and it's because we eat zese carbs.  ze secret, zen, ees no secret.  don't eat ze carbs.  when you want lunch, what do you crave?  ze burgers?  ze chips?  you walk by your coworker who ees eating a salad and think - man.  what a loser! 

what ees your idea of heaven?  some say - sex with 10 different partners every day and nobody looks down on me.  ze carb addict says - all ze chocolate i can eat, and nobody looks down on me.  now you're in heaven...all you can have ees chocolate, and ze guy who had salad ees having sex 10 times a day.  who ees ze loser now?

and everybody in the room laughed, including sameh.  he stopped by medical records this morning to sign off on charts.  recently, he has begun working out.  he walked in, flexed his arm, pointed to his bicep and said - what's that?  we have been doing the sameh diet since he lectured last week, and he is very proud to be our leader.

tomorrow, we have another inservice - a 4 hour one.  we have an expert coming in from the state capitol to do a presentation on gangs.  apparently, they are infiltrating DOC other ways than being committed to serving time.  as was told in the department head meeting, they're applying for and getting officers jobs in order to help out their bretheren on the inside, or get to opposing gang members.  so who do you trust? 

i was reading disciplinary actions earlier today (had a little downtime, so i played) and found one where an inmate was in seg because he beat the crap out of another inmate.  why?  because as part of his gang initiation, the inmate who was beaten was supposed to assault someone and did not.  andso, as punishment, HE was beaten.

kind of frightening.  i'm thinking of looking for work outside of prison.

another day, another dollar

1:47 a.m.

we went to the farmer's market today.  i bought honey - not the dark clover variety...this was gold and beautiful, had a bit of honeycomb in it.  my son likes that kind, and so do i.

i love going to the farmer's market, not just for the fresh produce, but for the conversation - and there's a bit of yesteryear there - chow chow that looks home canned, jams and jellies...kind of reminds me of grandma's kitchen.  one young man was unloading his items, and i asked - how are ya today?  and he said...oh, it's just another day in paradise.  he seemed a bit miserable to be there...

and it kind of made me wonder about people, their jobs and discontent.  for instance, my boss usually says - another day, another dollar!  and throws her hands in the air to punctuate the futility of it all.  and if she's feeling really cheated, she'll vary a bit and say, another day, another 50 cents!  on the days she says that, i know to either lay low, or that i can get away with just about anything ;-)

i felt a little sorry for the young man at the market, but mostly, i felt that my presence as a customer was an inconvenience because he didn't really want to be there.

that's just me, i guess.

man, i really need some sleep.

this is not a rant

i'm double journaling tonight - just a day for it.  today, i went out to the picnic table for my break.  the captain and a couple of nurses were there, and one of the nurses had given the captain a letter that had been written by a former inmate from the infirmary floor to them. he had been released from prison about a month ago.  i nearly cracked up when ron read it aloud.  it went something like this:

Hi girls!

I'm sitting here in the county jail.  my probation officer lied and said she had sent all my paperwork in but didn't do it.  i want to thank you all for treating me so good while i was in the hospital with y'all, and thank the nurses who gave me my pain medicine and got it straightened out.  y'all are angels!  i'm waiting for a psych evaluation.  i don't know why the hospital didn't send the one they did.  it looks to me like they could have. 

tell the officer from pasquotank not to get rid of the shrimp boat!  i should be flying high and free soon, and i'll have a case of the DA crabs when i get out!

Love ya!

X

you know...to some of these guys, the hospital staff are like family, and when they leave, they have to get used to not being around them anymore, and then they have the adjustment of being on the street again, or in X's case, in the county jail.  there are some who have become so institutionalized they've turned down parole.

 

someone explain to me...

this is another bona fide rant...a while back, my husband found out he was diabetic.  he didn't see a nutrition counselor, so i surfed the net, devised a diet (which turned out to be the second phase of the south beach diet), changed my ways of cooking and voila! he was able to cut his medication dosage in half, just by watching his diet.  well, he and i have both strayed away from the diet, and he eats whatever he wants.  and then i bought him a book on understanding diabetes.  he decided right then and there that he was going back on his diet (after reading), and that sounded good to me.  and so back to cooking the right things, no cheating, etc.

i made a nice dinner tonight.  veggies, lean meat, brown rice.  i made the plate, not thinking.  he stared at it.  he said ...isn't this too much? and so i said..yeah...i guess it is.  well, eat half of it and save the rest for tomorrow.  next time i looked he was polishing off the rest of what was in his plate and he told me - i'll just make my own from now on. and he was UPSET.

...

what's wrong with leaving something on your plate??  i don't get it...while i was dishing, i was making tomorrow night's dinner too, because it's gonna be too hot to cook and heat the house up...i got a bit carried away with the plate, i guess.  but when he said that, man - i was burned with a mile high flame, because while i was doing all that, he was kicked back on the bed watching television.

and so i told him - you sure can make your own plate!  all you have to do is dip it up.

men.  i don't want to understand them...

rant over.

a day for me.

one of the things i will never become accustomed to in the workplace is injustice to the meek, mild and hard working. witnessing it does nothing for morale, and so today - i'm taking a day for me.  a sick day, i will call it.

on wednesday, a tropical depression blew through and soaked us.  around 10 in the morning, i grabbed my umbrella and cigarettes and headed for the picnic table, which is beside the triage room.  there was an ambulance there, waiting to load an inmate for transport to the ER. and the sergeant was overseeing - or waiting to. 

she came to stand beside me and i said - it's started already, has it?  and it must have been a day and half already because she unloaded right then and there.  when they go out to appointment, they get admitted to the hospital.  they go from the unit.  after the one who was waiting to be loaded, another one with chest pains was waiting for a second ambulance to arrive.  we're short staffed - the officers would go, of course, there is no choice, but that would leave the unit lacking for custody staff, and there was no help available from the other two prisons in the area.

and then in the midst of her venting, she told me something that made me feel like i had been slammed against a brick wall.  "and this morning, i heard they walked the clinical  social worker out yesterday evening."  to be walked out usually means you aren't coming back...

the social worker is a friend, the meekest, mildest most hard working man i've ever met.  he's a bit high strung, yes - but after 2 years of working with him at hoke and the hospital - the vision i get in my head of him doing anything remotely bad during his moments of utter frustration is spinning in a tasmanian devil spin, turning red and passing out.  he simply doesn't have it in him to be unprofessional or mean in any way. the man has integrity. he just does.

and i know from where his being escorted out stemmed.  from the employee who reports directly to him.  he wrote a bad TAP on her - she does not do her job, and i have seen this.  after that, her husband called my friend and threatened him.  the husband had to be removed from the gate area later, and while he could still come on doc property, he could not exit his car.  then the phone calls at home started for my friend.  and then, there came a blow-up when she told the assistant superintendent she didn't know what her job was.  now...jim has only been at the hospital for 2 years, and she was employed in that position for 2 years prior.  she didn't know what her job duties were?  i don't freaking think so.

and so they walked jim out.  he has not been fired, but has been moved to a different location pending investigation.  i would love to see what the charges are, and no matter what they are, i can guarantee they are contrived. 

just a quote i liked

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be."

Lao Tzu

in defense of vanilla

how often i've heard the phrase - she's so vanilla - meaning dull, plain, lacking spice. and i'll be the first to admit that vanilla cake is not my favorite because it's rather bland, but it occurs to me that vanilla is getting a bum rap as a nothing kind of flavor/scent.

there is something comforting about vanilla.  i have two candles on warmers in my bedroom, and during the night, catch a whiff of sweet simplicity, calming and warm.  among my toiletries, along with lavender, there is warm vanilla sugar lotion, toasted vanilla shampoo, vanilla lip gloss and body spray.

it can be an unpretentious essential that lends and blends with cinnamon, chocolate, lavender as a dulcet undertone, or it can stand alone, pure and unassuming in a way that is anything but bland.  i prefer to think of it as quiet.  it simply has no need to be loud or overwhelming.

and now, for my morning snack, i shall open the box of vanilla wafers to go with my coffee.

have a good sunday.

i was having

this perfectly great dream.  i was at hoke, and ava was there, and she was having me go through appointments and ur's to make sure everything had been done right.  everything was in a gray haze.  i saw ava had pulled things out of the supply cabinet and dumped it on the floor (typical for her), and i went to the nurse's station for coffee and there was julia!  and terry.  and people were saying hi, and ava was still dumping stuff out of the cabinet and then

spike woke me up.  it was storming out, and he's afraid of thunder.  and so of course i had to check on the baby and now i'm wide awake and can't get back to sleep.

i had decided to clean the chairs, but rosie wanted to help so that got nowhere.  she loves to help me clean house and make beds.  especially make beds.  she gets in the middle of the mattress and waits for the sheet and while i'm fanning it out over the mattress she grabs it. i like to think she's doing this, trying to make sure there are no wrinkles.  usually, i just tuck the corners in watch the little moving lump underneath the sheet...she'll find her way out eventually, i've learned. and when she's satisfied it has been made to her specifications, she crawls on top of the spread and takes a nap.  i guess all that work wears her out.

and i'm worn out too so..good night.

my boss...

is forever giving away her possessions to roberta and me.  last week alone, she gave me a box of books, several vases, a black sheet, a computer hutch, a bench she had put together herself...and a stick of deodorant.  now i have to wonder why she gave me that, of all things.  she SAYS she couldn't wear it because it hurt her, but you just never know.

i'm beginning to feel uncomfortable being given these things,  but i've figured out why - she's bringing her son's things from new york and didn't have room for her old stuff.  periodically she cleans out anyway.  roberta and i save her a trip to the salvation army.

the books were interesting, and provided some insight into her.  one was housecleaning made easy, a cook book, and i forget what the other was, but there was absolutely no fiction.  all were how to's and self-help.  one of the most interesting was a book on mental exercises.  stretching the mind.  and so last night i thumbed through it and thought..i don't have time for all these, but you know what?  i tried some of them this morning.  it is NOT as easy as it seems.

here's one set:  upon waking, count backwards from 100 as fast as you can. easy enough, right? the next is reciting the alphabet, giving each letter a word partner (a-apple, b-boy).  no problem,  the next - name 20 men's names aloud as fast as you can, numbering them as you go (1. Larry 2. Mark, etc).  next you do the same with 20 women's names.  names are no problem - but when you add the number to them - for some reason that's difficult for me! and the next is to number and recite 20 types of food as fast as you can.  the next is to choose one letter of the alphabet and recite as many words, numbering them as you go, that begin with that letter.  all this should take about 5 minutes or so, depending on how stuck you get with the numbers. heheh!

after trying these, the mind does feel warmed up. i'm typing and everything, and i feel alert.  can't argue with that!

but there are different exercises - for concentration, memory (i really need that one), patience...perhaps i CAN find time for them.

a little bit of this and that

i considered not going to work on tuesday, but had no choice - auburn hair job or not - because roberta and i had to attend ORT (officer refresher training).  we aren't officers, but everybody in DOC has to attend the classes once a year.  the good news is - noncertified staff doesn't have to have 12 hours of training per year anymore.  i did not know this, and was scrambling to find inservices that would add up to the 6 hours lacking.  whew.  there's one worry gone.

but it's a tired old week.  the hair doesn't look too bad, though, and as soon as it tones down a little, it'll look great.

josh and sara are coming this weekend :-)  i don't get to see them nearly enough, but this weekend they're mine!  and we'll go swimming  and have hot dogs and whatever their little hearts desire...josh is 7 and sara is 3.  i wish i could take a few vacation days and keep them longer.