warming up

y'know, life has really started looking up since i ran over that coyote last week.  perhaps that xed out the black cat that crossed my path the week before.

i was on my way to work - i saw it coming out of the woodline, and started braking but it was TOO fast and TOO ugly (it really was ugly - first coyote i've ever seen) and before i knew it, i felt that awful bump- bump under my wheels.  now, i love animals, and was feeling bad about killing anything when smith came in and said - i'll tell you something, broadaway - coyotes aren't like wolves.  they don't kill their prey before they eat it.  they eat it alive, and start at the guts.  and they're sneaky.  they'll lure a dog out of its safe place and when it chases one coyote, there are ten more waiting to rip it to shreds.

so i guess i don't feel so bad about it after all, especially since it was so close to home.  and like i said...my luck has been nothing but good since.

well...y'all enjoy what's left of the weekend.  i'm gonna go play with the word processor and drink tea.

bits and pieces

in the local news:  a man and his girlfriend were arrested after advertising their drug business.  they were selling weed, cocaine, and even food.  they advertised via fliers.  don't you think this qualifies for the dumb criminal award?

on the internet:  aol has raised its rate to 25.90.  this, so we can continue to enjoy email, add ins, etc. etc.  the email certainly did make it sound like the best deal in town but...reservations abound.

at work:  Mackey came in from the Thursday meeting and told me Mr. Lucas announced my return  to the hospital on March 1.  They all knew it before I did - nobody told me a start date!  Mackey said they cheered (all except her) and said - all right!  she's coming home!

i didn't know how bad i wanted it until it was firm.  feels like a weight is lifted off my shoulders.

passing by dr. h's office this morning:  on the door was a picture...of a red flower.

it's enough to make a girl cry.  :-)

red flower

it occurs to me that in as little as ten days, i could be back at the hospital.  it depends on how fast personnel moves...and it occurs to me, also, that i'm leaving behind some good, wonderful people.

dr. h told me - i should warn you, i visit the hospital the first wednesday of every month.  but, he said, i don't know where the medical record office is.

it's right beside the control center and switchboard, i told him.  he looked dubious.  i have a feeling dr. h doesn't look beyond the end of his nose, or the door to his destination when he's in a strange environment.  don't worry, i added.  i'll hang a red flower outside the door so you can find it.

my experience in real prison, on the whole, has been positive.  i've made a lot of friends in all departments, especially custody.  was part of the staff community.  i looked out for my officers when it came to scheduling appointments because i care that their trip is safe.  we guarded those dates with our lives, because the lives of the transporting officers might well depend on it.  and didn't overload them because of staff shortages.  i'll make a point to leave a note behind for the next person - do not overload the officers.

i'll miss watson and his invitations to sit on his lap (all in fun), or an offer of a hug.  odd, we didn't hit it off at first.  i'll miss twinkles and his flirty self.  he really made my day when he came swaggering up with that sparkle in his eye, outrageous remarks falling off of his tongue.  i'll miss brigman, ava, you name 'em, i'll miss 'em.  but especially andrews.  she needed me.

if the responsibilities hadn't been so varied and to so many different people, including UR and health services and anybody else the job affects, i wouldn't have sought other employment.  the prison taught me a lot about my own abilities, about other people, about the world, and it gave me a confidence i never had before.  ironically, it set me free of old inhibitions and self doubts and taught me a sense of self-worth.

who would have ever thought you could find freedom behind razor wire?  certainly not me.  and i'm not giving up one single person just because of a location change.  it was a good experience, and i wouldn't have missed it.

 

happy friday! and weekend!

it has been such a busy week - run here, run there, go for my interview...which went really well, by the way, until the end, when i looked at the hospital administrator and said...mr. lucas, don't you think it's time to bring Trouble back home?

the minute i walked out, they closed the door and began conferring.  i figured they were 1.  laughing at me

2.  horror stricken by my lack of professionalism in my parting comment

3.  discussing all the reasons they should not hire me.

however...mr. lucas does indeed believe it's time to bring Trouble back home.  towanda called me this morning and said - we'll call you soon with a start date.

 

I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  OH!  I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!

and have learned the key to obtaining one is to beg for it.

*wink*

happy weekend, y'all!

Love Stinks!

but i hope you all had a happy v-day anyway!

 

WOMEN'S REVENGE
 "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
 As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a
television set in her purse.
 "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
 "No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
 and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
 

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
 (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
 I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
 pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
 and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and
dislikes."
 He addressed the man,
"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's
 Pillsbury, isn't it?

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
 neither of them wanted to concede their position.
 As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
 the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use
a
 day...
 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
 everything to men...
 The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

 CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."  The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
 

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
 and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking aroundhere and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
 coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
 that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed
 says.........."HEBREWS"

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
 each
 other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next
 day,
 he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
 business flight.
 Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote
 on a piece of paper,
 "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find
it.
 The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
 and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
 see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper
by
 the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
 Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman,
 but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Counting Caleb

This is a poem written by my friend, Lisa Shields, for one our poetry board moms whose son, Caleb, is very ill.  She asked that this be copied and sent, and so I'm doing it here.  Prayers for Caleb and Beki, Lisa...

 

Counting Caleb...For His Mom

Woman, you have had enough
of the tears,
have heard too much
of things no mother
can bear to hear---
and I cannot imagine
how you wear your skin
with so much inside you.

I can offer crumbs of comfort,
soft words do not ease
the burn, the tear, the hurt---
but I am counting Caleb,
and giving him one thing
mine to give.

I will ask for words,
and prayers,
I will speak his name
to people I meet,
I will give him memory
in the moment they hear.

I will count Caleb all my life---
because always Caleb counted,
for you.


(God bless lady...)


And for those who may read this, a request?

Please count Caleb.
Copy this, and send it to people you know.
His mom needs your thoughts, your prayers---or just your good wishes right now.

There are things we can't do or change...but we can count him...and let her know we do.

Bright Blessings...

a guest at the nurses' meeting

he was sitting at the long table in my office - and i wondered what he was doing there.  it isn't unusual for custody to throw me out and take over the record room, since it's the largest office on the central unit.  they use it for hearings, interviewing inmates, etc.  but we had a meeting that was about to take place, and there he sat with several folders.

then everybody else came in.

ava:  ladies, i have asked the sgt to talk to us today..

staff:  wait, that's a white shirt, he's not a sgt.!

to call a white shirt and lowly sgt. is a great insult.

ava, not missing a beat:  oh, i do apologize, lieutenant.  all i know about you is that you're a MAN!

he turned a lot of colors and didn't comment back.

ava:  anyway, a few weeks ago, we were very concerned with all the inmate activity that was occurring on central and around the nurses station.  they were like ants - but that has improved somewhat, due to custody cracking down.  i have asked this man here today to talk to us about the problem that resulted in all this activity.  and now, i'll let him explain.

out came the folders.  out came a poster.  what we had been seeing was indeed gang activity or recruitment.

"at one point, we had identified four gangs that existed here.  now there are five."

groff went on to list them.  blood nation, the 5 per centers, the crips, the folks, and now the ms-13's, a hispanic group that is the most dangerous. 

he showed us what to look for - tattoos, colors, markings on clothing and shoes.  he told us we had 18 validated gang members on campus, and then pulled out the folders and showed them to us.  damn, we knew them. 

he told us how one inmate had joined a gang, then when he was released tried to unaffiliate himself and had his tattoo burned off, and when he re-entered the prison system, how he had gotten the hell beaten out of him by other members for doing it.  he's on h-block now, in protective custody.

he told us about gang wars that had occurred at other prison units.  he told us how a riot had been staged at a nearby close custody unit.  while the riot was going on and custody was distracted, an inmate at the other end of the unit was disemboweled.  that was the whole point of the riot...to engage custody elsewhere while the murder was taking place.  there were eleven victims targeted.  gang related.

he told us that gang activity in the state - not just the prison - was on the rise.  he pointed out local landmarks that were now marked with gang related graffiti. 

he promised to do a power point presentation for us, and encouraged us NOT to confront an inmate about his tattoos or other markings, but to make a note of it and notify him in special operations.

after he left, ava turned to me and said - that was quite a revelation, wasn't it?

yeah, we don't know what we're walking around here with...

exactly.

today is my mental health day.  for some reason, i could not force myself to look at brown clothes, which is what medium custody inmates wear.  minimum is green.  i think red is death row.  not sure what close custody wears, and hope to never find out.

but anyway, i had to take time away from it today.  the worst thing is, i don't even feel guilty.  let 'em do without me.

i was reading a book a while back called Hard Won Wisdom.  It's about women and careers, the obstacles they face...and they're considerable, even in the 21st century.  One of the women interviewed suggested mindfulness as a way of relaxing.  so i thought - no big deal.  i can live in the moment without thinking about other things.  but it's hard to do...a discipline, actually, that appears to take practice.

i can remember the last time i indulged in mindfulness.  it was at the beach.  i was on a blanket, and the sun was so warm and the sea was whispering like it does...and i lost myself in it.  of course, i got a terrible sunburn!  and that was another living in the moment, moment.  ouch.

today, i think i'll head to my picnic table in the back yard.  it's peaceful back there...the horses run and play or graze in the pasture beside me, and behind me is a wooded area.  and i think i'll practice mindfulness and contemplate a vacation.

try the mindfulness exercise and let me know how it works out for you.  were you able to live it?

by the way, i read another book - one of the best that's graced my eyes in a very long time, called The Kite Runner.  I swear, at the end, I wanted to stand up and cheer.  Had goosebumps up and down my arms.  if you haven't  read it yet, look for it!

monday is behind us, now..

first things first:  rosie sends greetings to jasper, jojo and freedom, tossed her head and said - please tell them i'm single and have attitude.  whatever that means.

it has been fun journaling about her - she's inspirational to say the least and gives my imagination a little room to run.  animals are great that way. 

yesterday, one of my co-workers brought in her manuscript for Llarry the Llama, a children's story she wrote.  It was so cute!  Smith, the author, had sent her manuscript for copyright and consequently received a letter from a publisher. She was beaming! 

nothing else of interest to journal about today...y'all have a great week.

a letter from rosie

Hello People of Journal Land,

The human known as Mara, who thinks she owns me, made the mistake of leaving the computer on.  She thinks I can't read, but...suffice it to say, she suffers a great number of misconceptions about me, as evidenced here in this journal.

That's right - I read what she has written about me.  It's lies.  All of it, slanderous lies and I am here to set the record straight.  ALL of you need to hear my side of the story.

About the cigarettes...I swear, I was only looking out for her best interests when I took them and hid them under the couch.  Smoking is bad for you - and should she get sick, who would fill my water bowl?  As it is, she doesn't pay attention to it until I climb her back while she's washing dishes.  Or while I'm sitting in that pitifully dry, empty bowl.  The woman cannot take a hint.  Meow doesn't mean squat to her.

And then to read what she says about me - I'm hurt.  Genuinely hurt.  And vengeful! 

I actually do a lot around here, and don't know how she would live without me.  For instance, the toilet paper.  How do we really know what ply it is unless we investigate? If 4-ply is what the package says, then that's what we should get.  Truth in advertising is an important issue for me; therefore, I check it out by ripping it apart.  So far, so good! But you never know when a company might try to slip one past you, so it's a continuous effort.  It's a messy job, but somebody has to do it.  Same goes for the paper towels.

I also sub as the teenage daughter.  THAT'S why her makeup disappears.  It's why I take her jewelry and clothing.  I heard her once, moaning over the approaching empty nest deal, and decided then and there - with LOVE, mind you - that I would make sure she didn't miss having children in the house.  It's also the reason I fight her for her blouses.  And they're pretty and soft!  I like the black ones best - my hair looks so nice on black, and seems to cling better.  And when she wears black, she's taking a little bit of me everywhere she goes.

And I give her a sense of purpose.  If she didn't have me, she would plunge into the deep, dark abyss of depression.  But she does have me, so there's no need for lexapro.  She doesn't need that, either.  And that's why I took it!  Taking care of me should be sufficient.

So, you see - I don't have to be like that cat in Ohio who dialed 911 when her human fell from the wheelchair (it was for selfish purposes, trust me.  How else was she gonna get fed?).  I have my own agenda.  And if I were truly as she portrays me here, I wouldn't even consider letting her out of the bathroom, where I have her locked up so I can DEFEND myself in this letter.

Oh - and if anybody out there has been discouraged from getting a cat because of anything the human, Mara, says about ME. Well, here you have it.  You NEED a cat like me to take care of you.  Take one home today!

I hope this letter has exonerated me in some way.  And now, I must go.  I hear her banging on the door and yelling - ROSIE, LET ME OUT OF HERE! 

That's so annoying.

Regards,

Rosie

P.S.  Send kitty treats

P.S.S.  I like this computer.  It's mine, now!

she's done it again...

I knew it was too good to be true.  Rosie, the evil feline queen, woke me this morning, demanding attention.

Hey, wake up and pet me, human!

I thought...Awww, she's being sweet.  She burrowed under the covers, like she wanted to snuggle, poked her little nose out and kissed me.  And then she sprang into action.

My water bowl is empty - how about filling it up?

EMPTY?  Rosie, I filled it last night before bed.  How big is your bladder, anyway?

Just fill the bowl or I'll follow you to the bathroom and kitchen.  You know how hard it is to wash dishes when I'm helping.  Do you really want to go through that?

Well no, I don't.  So I got up, went to the kitchen and HOLY COW - everything of mine was scattered all over the floor.

Surprise!  She looked smug and satisfied.

I scoured around to where I had left important things.

ROSIE!  WHERE'S MY MEDICINE BOTTLE?

Oh, that - well.  It's mine now.

But I need that stuff.  Otherwise, I might start acting like YOU.

No, no.  You can't.  There's only room for one me in this house.  The meds are MINE.  Accept it.

And then, I noticed the second most important item was gone.

Ok - you might get away with that, but I can't find my cigarettes.  Did you take them?

Rosie, innocently:  Who, me?  I don't smoke.  But the box is so pretty and blue...

Rosie, that was my last pack.  WHERE IS IT?

I don't remember.

You have to remember.  Where IS IT?

I grabbed her by the scruff of the neck, glared into her glowing gold eyes, and bit out - You'd better find 'em, queenie, or the neighbor's dog might just find an unexpected snack waiting for him on the lawn.

Wow, this is so unlike you.  Rosie's eyes went flat, as though bored. again.  are we gonna have to call in the exorcist? Oh, ok. They're under the couch with everything else.  But remember - you can only take the cigarettes.  Sheesh, you're such an addict.

Addict or not, this time, the final word was going to be MINE.  That's right - MINE, not Rosie's. 

You have such pretty claws, Rosie.  It would be a shame if for some reason, they had to be removed...But then again, the paper towels would be intact.  As would the toilet paper.  And I could get dressed without having to fight you for MY clothes.

What?!  Is that a threat?

And you know that catfood bag on top of the freezer?  Would be a shame if it disappeared - especially since it's the good stuff.

An odd look very much like panic flickered over her face.   Wait a minute, let's talk about this...

I can't.  Haven't had my coffee yet - or my lexapro.  I can't seem to find it.  And you know, I'm thinking that something as hateful as you are shouldn't multiply.  While we're at the vet, we might just have to have you fixed.

She wriggled from my grasp and sprang to a location where stolen things go.  She reached her paws underneath and out rolled my medicine bottle.  She repeated the action and out popped my cigarettes.

There.  They're YOURS.  For pete's sake, can't you take a joke?

Not today, I can't.  I scooped up my belongings and headed to the bedroom to lock them up.  And as I went, I swear I heard her mutter under her breath -

Maybe not now, but tomorrow is another day.

It might be a good time to cover the furniture with plastic.

 

 

on a personal note

valentine's day is two weeks away - and you know what that means.  after holiday candy sales.

yes, it's right on the heels of the big 75% of christmas sale (let me tell you - those bon bons were fabulous, as were the belgian chocolates and the cookies.  all of 'em).  please tell me what sense it makes to stick so religiously to a diet that when you hear the words "south beach" you bow your head in homage, and then...and then...someone makes a holiday 13 layer chocolate torte and suddenly you lose your religion.  for many weeks.  but it happens...

i decided just today that it's time to get back down to business before i regain every bit of what i lost.   i went grocery shopping and bought all the necessary items to help get started again, and then i noticed the candy aisle.  it's so pretty!  and there was even a selection for coffee lovers - coffee filled bon bons, something else, and chocolate covered coffee beans - or zoomers, as i call them.  and THEN there were chocolates filled with tiramisu cream.  my god, how's a girl supposed to have willpower when she's faced with all that?!

but there comes a time, gosh darn it, when you just have to do it.

saw something else really cute while i was in the store...a valentine's gift set that has some kind of hot sauce and a habenaro sauce in it, called "burning love".  that was absolutely brilliant, and i shall be first in line to buy the pack, just because of its name.

and now, it's time for <spit> plain yogurt and strawberries.  in a few weeks, it'll be a treat, but right now...

well.  you know.