A Good Day

If the eyes had not tears, the soul would have no rainbow.  - Native American Proverb

It was a very good day that started out with a brief visit from Dr. H.  The morning was busy and flew by - filling out finger print cards and faxing them to where they belong, entering commitments into the system, backlogging people to other units for court.  There were a few interruptions along the way - an invitation for an excellent cup of coffee from Mrs. G, a few emails - Special Ops checking by, looking for incoming writs and a visit from an officer who makes the most awesome tea I have ever tasted, saying - "I'll have some more of your favorite tea on Friday, Ms. B.  You're more than welcome to have some!"  He mixes pineapple juice, instant lipton tea and sugar together.  It is out of this WORLD!  I'll have to diet from now to Friday so I can afford to drink a glass.

And then the afternoon flew by.  I got locked in the records room (I have discovered that you cannot unlock it from the inside) and was set free when Weber happened to stop by to drop off some field jackets.  That was the funniest thing.  When he opened the door and I said - I am SO glad you did that - his eyes flew open wide with surprise because he didn't know anyone was in there - I started laughing and couldn't stop. I needed that.

I work with the best group of people and am happy to be where I am.  The work is good.  The people are great.  You can't ask for more than that, and I am a grateful woman.

A card from the North Carolina Eye Bank was in the mail today.  I had talked to them after Steve passed about his medical history - he was a donor.  They had collected his corneas and wanted to say thank you.  I hope that somewhere out there, someone can see better because of my brother.

If I haven't made it around to your journals yet, forgive me.  I'll get there...

April 19

It's hard to know what to write here anymore.  The loss of Steve is still so fresh that I'm afraid anything I write here will be a downer...But I have to get back into routine.

The last two weeks have been so crazy.  Week before, time crawled so slow that I thought it would never end, and this one has gone by like a 747.  It was Monday just a minute ago, I swear.  Cards and flowers keep coming in.  It's hard to comprehend how many lives Steve touched - from North Carolina to Australia.  He played dj on mIRC radio channel online, and Tuesday night they had a memorial to him - they played two hours of his shows.  He would often say, when playing a song, "this is a favorite of mine.."  and in the memorial, they played his favorites. 

He was a good brother - he's the one who sold me The Car, the one who had my back when trouble was coming and he saw it.  He's the one who confided in me and I in him.  And he's the one who did the absolute craziest things - but he lived his life the way he wanted, and smurf anybody who didn't like it.  He came to closest of all of us to living his dreams.  He played his music up and down the East Coast and locally and married the love of his life - found her on the internet, of all places - and he was so happy these last two and a half years.  That's a comfort.

There was so much to him, I could never make anyone know him or capture his essence in black and white, because he was a riot of colors, so full of life. And yes, there is a profound sadness now in all of us who loved him, but we know, too and finally, how lucky we were to have him for forty-two years. 

I had always envisioned us - him and Patience, me and Jim - in our old age together, neighbors, going to each other's houses and just being..old...together.  *smile*  One thing that has become crystal clear to me is that we should celebrate those we love every day, be with them when we can, and thank God for them.

I'm sorry if this entry is a downer.

Thank you all

I wish I could write a note to each and every one of you who posted here.  I showed the page to my mother, and your words of support brought a measure of comfort to us.  Your reaching out in sympathy and caring touched our hearts - On behalf of the family of Steve McArthur Parks, thank you.

God bless you all.

Mara B.

I don't know

a lot of things right now. i don't know when i'll be back.

my baby brother died suddenly this evening.  i'm just...lost

please say a prayer for my mother and father and my brother's wife, patience.

Prattling my way out of the weekend.

Well, the weekend is over.  My daughter was down last week and I took her back to Durham today...it's a blue kind of feeling.  Having her here was great, but we didn't get much of a chance to spend real time together.  It's ok - we'll make up for it later.  She had family and friends to visit this time around.  Next time, I'll take a day off from work so we can pal around and shop.

Friday night, while the daughter was watching a movie so scary I couldn't stay in the same room (scary movies make it too hard to fall asleep, have you noticed?  After seeing the exorcist, I swore off of those forever - trust me, when you have those images in your head and nobody told you they let the cat back in?...Well, it's an experience you just can't forget)...anyway, as I was saying - while she was watching something completely mind blowing, I logged on to the internet and suddenly an IM popped up. It was my old friend, Joshua, who hosts my domain on his server.  I have (had) a weblog called Spring Cleaning.  It's a "place" I used to write all the time....I asked him if he would take it down for me, and he said he would.  I started blogging there in 2001.  That seems like such a long time ago.  Joshua didn't want me to lose my history, though, and he created another page on my domain for the blog, transferred my life there, and it's nice.  I just don't journal much anymore.  So Ladybug Bert, if you look for Spring Cleaning and it isn't there and you want the link, email me and I'll send it to you.

The coming week will be a busy one.  My boss will be out tomorrow, there's a Banquet for the volunteers coming up and someone volunteered me to sit at the door and greet the guests of honor and hand them their folders from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m.  Hate when that happens...but it will be a new experience, and I can use the comp time to leave early on Friday.

The new job is going well EXCEPT for some data entry problems - entering additional sentences and consolidating them.  It isn't so easy.  When the inmates come back from court and are given additional prison time, part of my job is to enter the information from the commitment into the network for concurrent/consecutive sentences.  The trouble comes in when looking up codes for the offenses.  They're in the system under ?F2 and a few letters to help narrow the search.  Good golly, you would think you could just type in breaking and entering and come up with that code, but typing in parts of the word brings up 2,000 offenses to scroll through....it's ok.  Eventually, I'll get it.  I think.  Everything is still new...General statutes, restitution...codes for judges names, even.  Brings on a case of brain fog. 

One last thing and I'll stop typing my way out of the weekend.  It was wonderful to see that Walmart has backed away from collecting back the insurance money from the employee who was brain injured in a car accident.  It seemed heartless (IS heartless) for the company to ask for the money back because she won a law suit against the trucking company whose driver was responsible for the wreck.  Sad...more and more companies are adopting that policy to fit into the small print.  Happily, though, Walmart has dropped the matter in this case.  I'm glad...thought I was going to have to boycott them.

Y'all have a good week.

Useless

Talking to Mary Jo this morning, we brought up the topic of family.  That's what it's like where we work...we are a family.  She said, "You never truly realize it until something awful happens and then you think - 'this many people care about me'?"

A few weeks ago, we lost one of our own, on the job.  He had a brain aneurysm.  A medical emergency was called in the institution and Medical worked with him until EMS arrived, and he was airlifted to a university hospital for treatment.  Sadly, he didn't survive...

The day before the funeral, something amazing happened.  Officers from nearby units VOLUNTEERED to come in and work in the place of those who wanted to attend the the services.  I cannot tell you how that felt - walking out and seeing all those men and women on posts where they didn't have to be so their counterparts could be where they wanted to be.  It's times like that when you know you're a part of something larger and better, and it makes you want to be there for your extended family.

Today, on my out of the prison, I saw one of my favorite officers at Tower 1.  Something was terribly wrong - he was gripping the fence and screaming.  I didn't know what the heck was going on, and then he fell.  And then his head bounced on the sidewalk.  I could not move.  I heard the tower guard call for 911.  I heard them call a code 900.  And all I could think was - Oh my God, what if he's not breathing, but thank GOD he was breathing.  Someone said it was a seizure and all I could think was - we have to get him on his side.  But nobody moved.  I was useless.

You know - if a person is going to be a part of something larger and better, they should take some courses in first aid and know how to handle a co-worker with a health problem.  So that's what I'm going to do - LEARN - that, and recertify in CPR. 

And when I see the officer who had the seizure again, I'm gonna hug his neck and tell him how glad I am to see him. And the next time something like this happens, I ain't gonna be so useless.