And SO...

There is something about a woman that must be innate - Guilt.  It's a hard thing to overcome, after years of putting everyone else first (we do that, and we don't even think about it until one day, we see that pretty red jade necklace and we have to justify WHY we shouldn't buy it when it's not that expensive and has almost made our heart's stop with it's beauty).

Well.  My daughter is gone and happy.  My son and his wife are happy and have their own lives.  My golly, this past year and a half has been so full of changes...it took a while to get a good foothold on solid ground again, for me.

The first of June, I looked in the mirror and screamed.  Again.  And then I did something about what was in that mirror - so far, 20 lbs GONE, and I don't feel every ounce of them.  And so, I looked in the closet at my wardrobe and screamed. My golly, what a horror.  And then I went to the back of the closet and pulled out the pretty clothes I bought when I was thinner.  And they fit.  :-D. 

And then, I looked at my Nationally Well Known Cosmetics Company Brochure and there was this jewelry...a red necklace with matching earrings.  A medallion necklace with matching earrings.  And then...I said, I cannot do that.  It comes to all of 25 bucks and I could use that money for GOOD.

The angel on my right shoulder was letting me have it, but the devil on the left said - "Ya know, it's been a wild year.  A lot of good things have happened, and a lot of not so good things have.  You've lost 20 lbs.  You DESERVE to celebrate and soothe with that 25 bucks."

And so here I sit, in my red necklace and matching dangly earrings I purchased for representative's price.

And I still feel guilty about it.

I'm not buying anything else until fall.

 

The "I" Survey

Got this from Martha.  :-)

I Live: down a dirt road, off a back road.

I Work: at a correctional hospital.

I Talk: on the phone a lot.

I Wish: I would win the lottery

I Enjoy:  lots of things :-)

I Look: for the best in people.

I Find:  you get the same respect you give.

I Smell:  a strawberry candle.

I Listen:  to a variety of music.

I Hide:  the gray, sometimes.

I Pray:  for whoever needs it

I Walk:  not nearly enough anymore.

I Write:  poetry, journals, short stories.

I See:  more than the obvious.

I Sing:  in the car

I Laugh:  a lot everyday

I Can:  make a mean pot of chili.

I Watch: CSI!

I Yearn:  to have enough time to do the things i want to do.

I Daydream: often.

I Fall:  when george pulls the leash too hard (then look around to see if the neighbors were watching - embarrassment city).

I Want:  health and happiness for my children

I Cry:  when i see someone else crying.

I Burn:  when i'm ticked.

I Read:  everything.

I Love:  my family and friends

I Rode:  horses when i was younger.

I Sometimes:  wish I didn't have to work

I Hurt:  when my children hurt 

I Fear:  guns.

I Hope:  there's some coffee left in the pot.

I Break:  bracelets.  one fell apart on me yesterday.

I Eat:  low fat, low cal.

I Bathe:  when i want to indulge myself.  showers, otherwise.

I Drink:  coffee, tea and water.

I Stop:  when i've had enough.

I Save:  anything that has sentimental value 

I Hug:  dale, george, lacy, carol...

I Meditate:  during lunch break.

I Play:  everyday

I Miss:  Ava and the crew at hoke.

I Hold: an empty cup, at this moment.

I Forgive:  easily.

I Drive:  a chevy S10.

I Learned:  not nearly enough, soon enough. 

I Dream:  about a mountain cabin.

I Have:  a good life.

I Don't:  let anyone pull the wool over my eyes anymore.

I Made:  a granny square afghan.  :-)

I Believe: we are as happy as we allow ourselves to be.

I Wait:  patiently, usually.

I Need:  another cup of coffee.

I Owe:  a debt of gratitude to many people.

I Hate:  cruelty.

I Feel:  like having a lazy saturday!

I Know:  i won't have a lazy saturday.

I Wonder:  if there's a way out of doing laundry today.

I Applaud:  the nursing staff at hoke.

I Love: autumn :-)

y'all join in on your own blogs!

so that's what all those cameras and people were about!

an article on the history of my workplace!

http://fayobserver.com/article?id=266785

i wasn't going to do a journal entry, but it's early and quiet and ihavecoffee, so what the heck.

i was on vacation this week!  i had a little time with the new grandbaby, mason, who is very healthy, cuddly and sweet.  didn't make it to the hospital in time for his entrance into the world because it was sudden - a c-section and suddenly free operating room.  poor jess.  the child's head was so wide it couldn't be measured using the usual tool - had to be measured with the one for the tummy.  mason has a headful of dark hair and white eyebrows, wide hands and a frown that will make you laugh.  sweet baby.  :-)

and i have to tell you...there is nothing like seeing your own baby, all grown, watch his newborn through the nursery window.  my son couldn't keep his eyes off of him.  he wasn't able to hold him for several hours, and it distressed dale to see mason crying and not being comforted.  when one of the nurses emerged from the nursery, he said - could you give him something to gnaw on?  he's trying to eat his hand.

had to laugh.  the nurse gave the baby a pacifier after that.  :-)

and there was a minute when i was watching the baby that something welled up from the very bottom of me and made its watery way to my eyes, too complex to be called happy tears.  i suppose it was a mixture of nostalgia, love, a sense of continuity, and something i can't quite name.

the new parents and baby are doing well and have discovered mylecon (sp) drops.

as for the rest of my vacation - cleaning house, swimming, peeling tomatoes with mom and planting butter beans with dad.

and now it's almost over.  the above-inserted article link is a sure sign it's time to go back to work and get some rest.

have a happy weekend, everybody.