It wouldn't let me sleep!
I've met a wonderful woman through aol journals, and we have begun a corresponding. She's witty, intelligent, thought provoking and interesting. Our topic of late has been religion. Some of what she wrote in her last letter made me remember a faux pas or two I committed in church. If any of you have similar funny stories, take the topic and run with it!
I was not raised Southern Baptist - I attended a Presbyterian church until I was a teen, and then switched to the Baptist church my friends attended. From my experience as a kid, Presbyterians were a quiet and reverent lot. You can imagine that it came as a shock when the Baptist congregation got jiggy with it and started shouting Amen! and leaving their seats to agree with an animated minister who was completely into his sermon.
One offense I committed involved a scripture I can't quite recall verbatim. The minister was saying, And the sins of the fathers shall be visited on the heads of the sons...something like that - and knowing my dad the way I did, I thought - daughters too?! and groaned aloud, Oh LORD, I hope not!
There was complete silence for about 30 seconds. That 30 seconds felt like a month.
The second offense I committed was at my Aunt Doris's funeral, held in the same church, different minister. Down here, every funeral is opportunity for a preacher to imply - this too, will happen to you - and convert the service into a drive for souls. Nothing wrong with that, they wouldn't be doing their jobs if they didn't at least try, but Mr. D. chose one metaphor, and stuck with it for 25 minutes. It was hot, and crowded. People were coughing and crying. Mr. D's voice droned on and on and on...and I dabbed my eyes, leaned toward my daughter and whispered...
you know, there's only so much you can do with one metaphor
I honestly thought I had been discreet, until the man in front of me turned around. And then the woman beside him...
and they gave me this withering, disapproving glare, but I swear, had Aunt Doris been able, she would have raised up, looked Mr. D in the eye and said - and just WHAT is your POINT?!
So she would have been proud. I think.
I haven't been back in that church since.
I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but it was on my mind and I had to shake it out so i can SLEEP!
Good night!
9 comments:
Mara...I'm a back sliding Methodist myself...so when I attended my Southern relatives Baptist Church on ocassion I never knew what to expect. I had better luck entering a Catholic church with my girlfriends. Your story is funny though...Sandi
I AM A STAUNCH INDEPENDENT BAPTIST, KJB ONLY. WE DONT DO TV AND MOVIES. WOMEN DONT WEAR PANTS AND OBEY THEIR HUSBANDS (WHICH I DONT HAVE)...............BUT MY PREACHER HAS HIS SENSE OF HUMOR AND SO DO THE REST OF US.......WE HAVE HAD SOME "BLOOPERS" AND GOOD LAUGHS. WE ARE A SMALL CHURCH OF MISFITS BUT ALL IN CHRIST..........STORMIE
Glad you got out of bed for this. I was raised Methodist but attended the Baptist church with friends a lot. Some of those preachers could sure scare the hell out of you and of course I was sprinkled so that lets me out. Never could understand if you have been baptised you could continue lyin',cheatin' and stealin'. Whoa! You opened a can of worms here. lol Paula
hehehehe
i luv it! too funny!
my faux pas in churches are usually laughing hysterically though weddings! i dont know why....but one priest likened the groom and bride to ADAM and EVE and i just LOST IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol
liza
http://journals.aol.com/philadlfiagrl/lizaslife
Amen Sista. You might be a southern if you heard a long winded preacher!!!!! Fifty million times...lol
And kudos to Aunt Doris and God rest her soul.
GBU Brenda
"I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but it was on my mind and I had to shake it out so i can SLEEP!"
LOL!! and what does one do who gets up WAY early? I did..been up since 3:00 AM!
Gem :-)
http://journals.aol.com/libragem007/JournallyYours
Very funny!
Krissy
http://journals.aol.com/fisherkristina/SometimesIThink
I can't ask you any questions because I am too afraid to play the game too, lol.
Krissy
http://journals.aol.com/fisherkristina/SometimesIThink
In your first story, how old were you? That is hilarious!
Lori
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