A friend sent me a list of her daughter's requirements for a love interest. It was your typical - witty, charming, etc. - pretty much the same things you would answer on one of those internet dating sites. And it's good that the young lady has her mind made up about what she wants. Who knows, she may even find it - but my friend said, I'm a lousy mom. I can't assure her because I don't believe he exists.
Well of course he doesn't. That list is an ideal, and ideals are hard to find in this world, if not impossible. There is no absolutely perfect man, and if there's a perfect woman, she's produced by Mattel. Come to think of it, maybe the man is too. I mean...Ken smiles all the time and never says a word. Of course, you have to wonder what he's smiling about.
But we've all made that list at one time in our lives - or at least most of us have. Ok, SOME of us have. And while we were ticking off the requirements...did we consider dirty underwear, towels on the floor, burping from either end, bad moods, or that people change?
There will be arguments. There will be making up after those arguments. He won't always be witty, and God knows, he won't always be charming. There will be fifty-eleven things that are not ideal about a person. Cruelty is out - none of that, physically or mentally. Apathy, either. If you find a partner worth having, he's willing to work with you, to try to see your point of view, just as you should try to see his. And it won't always be 50/50 - that's another ideal - but sometimes, it does happen.
We all want the best for our children, and that includes Prince Wherever-You-Are. We don't have to assure them he's out there. We, as moms, cross our fingers and say our prayers that the man they fall for won't be a psycho, abusive, or a total ass. And if he is, maybe the list does come in handy, because none of those things is on it, and we can point it out. Aside from that, we all learn that no one is perfect, including ourselves, and that our wants in the love department can serve as a guideline, but it isn't something that can be strictly adhered to.
If I offered advice to my daughter (and i have, whether she listens or not), it would be - Take your time. Don't rush. Look at everything and ask yourself, if you have to, is that what you want for the rest of your life? And ask yourself if you can live with things that aren't quite ideal.
5 comments:
Oh Mara that would be fun wouldn't it? To be able to create your own perfect mate...although with Murphy's Laws we best watch out..and not create a Frankenstein type. Well, guess we just have to put up with fate....Sandi http://journals.aol.com/sdoscher458/LifeIsFullOfSurprises
If they would only take that advice but most didn't in my day. Maybe they have better sense now and more choice. When my sister and I were teenages her main requirement for a husband was that he like fired potatoes. lol I think her husband does and everything else that is edible. Me, I just wanted to get married to get away from home. My husband was a good one though. Paula
Good advice. I am definately praying for my two daughters' future husbands. Lord help all four of them!! LOL!
Traci
I think you give excellent advice Mara. Most girls and boys never listen though. They have to learn the hard way. how sad!
hugs
Lahoma
wow Mara..wonderful~ wonderful entry. I sure learned something from it.
Thanks for writing it!
Have a wonderful day!
Gem :-)
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