Watching the Scales go up, up, UP

There are few things that frighten me.  I can go into a prison full of criminals, wade through and greet them like they're neighbors I don't quite know.  Can stand toe-to-toe on my front porch with someone who shot my dog, and had a few years ago served time for terrorizing an entire street full of people, demand to know what the hell he thought he was doing and tell him he has to pay the vet bills.  But you could not pay me to go shopping on Black Friday.  I'll cower under the bed, whimper like a child while clutching my bank card and making the sign of the cross against anyone who wants me to go out there in that crowd where at least one person in it will knock you to the floor and walk over your prone body for a $29 dollar microwave. 

One year, I did it. Got up at 4 in the morning the day after Thanksgiving and headed for the Nameless In This Blog Retail Store.  It was 18 degrees, there was a half-mile long line of people who must have camped out overnight in the parking lot, and when the doors finally opened (i could see the sales associate's hand shake while turning the key), they rushed in like a tidal wave.  I lie to you not - within minutes, everything on my short list was washed clean from the shelves. I was jostled and bumped.  An 80 year old woman tried to run me down with her shopping cart, and I ended up buying items that were not on sale, then stood in the checkout line for twenty minutes.

The deals are great, if you can find any left, and I admire anyone with the temerity to face the crowds with unabashed determination, but it just isn't for me.

About six years ago, Another Nameless Retail Super Store had turkeys for 10 cents a pound.  When word reached me via telephone hotline at work, I left a little early in hopes of getting there before they were all snatched up and baking in someone else's oven.  I sprinted to the meat section, but lo and behold, they were gone.  I asked a sales associate if they planned to restock.

"No ma'am," he said dolefully.  "We sold out about an hour ago.  Two women came to blows over the last bird in the freezer, and we don't feel it would be prudent or responsible on our part to contribute more to holiday violence."

I could understand that.

But did you know, while Black Friday is touted as the biggest shopping day of the year, it really is not?  More people are off from work that day, so foot traffic in stores is way up, but the most profitable days for stores are the Saturday before Christmas or December 23?

Y'all be safe out there.