a conversation with rosie

a conversation with rosie

i had no intention of bringing up the subject - none whatsoever, until rosie became little hitler.  it all started when my favorite lipstick disappeared.  next on the list was a brand new tube of mascara, then the little wooden rolly thing for massaging the feet that came with a bath set.  i found them all, piled neatly under the sofa where rosie had rolled them all.  but the final straw came yesterday morning when i had to fight her for the blouse i had chosen to wear to work.

let go of it!  i pulled, she wrapped her claws around it just a little bit more.  rosie, i have to get ready for work.  let go!

no.  it's mine.

don't be ridiculous - you can't wear this.  it's a hundred times too big for you, and besides - you have your own fur coat, for pete's sake.

doesn't matter.  it's mine.  it's ALL mine - that includes the makeup, too.  and the paper towels - or what's left of 'em.

there was a look very much like satisfaction on her face when she uttered that last sentence, and that's when i decided to bring it up.

i was quiet for moment, weighing whether to reason with this little grey beast or blast her with facts.  i decided on the calmer voice.

you know, rosie, i read something on the internet a few days ago..

she rolled her eyes.  so what else is new?

it was about a cat in ohio.  you know what that cat did?

no clue.

that cat's owner fell from his wheel chair and couldn't get to the phone, and she called 911!  a selfless act of love. c'mon, i'll show you the article.  i bookmarked it.

i pried her claws out of my blouse, tucked her under my arm and headed for the computer screen and pulled up the article.

see!  there it is. 

rosie's ears flattened.  she assumed a bored expression and refused to look at the screen.

sorry, i can't read.

well, there's a picture!  such a noble animal, too. 

i bet he feeds her the good cat food.  that in itself deserves heroic efforts in order to maintain status quo.

rosie, i feed you the good stuff.

and that's when rosie took control of the conversation.

coot tried to bury the last bag you bought, in case you didn't notice.  i'd sure hate for something to happen to you, because if we were the only others in the house, you wouldn't have a prayer!

what's wrong it?! 

it smells funny.

you know, there are cats starving in ethiopia.  they'd be glad to have your food. 

for the money you'd spend in shipping it there, you could buy something worth eating for ME.

rosie!

and while we're on the subject - you could do better about changing the litter box.  and it has come to my attention via the television that there are snacks you could buy.  we would like fish flavored, thank you very much.  and you know that pretty little bracelet in your jewelry box?  it's mine.  and next time you go to walmart, pick up an extra pillow.  i'm not fond of the lavender you spray on your pillowcase - it's the only reason i don't take that, too.

she wriggled out of my arms and gave me an indignant look.

i'm so glad we had this conversation, she told me.  you may have your blouse - you'll need it to earn money for everything i require.

and then she swaggered away with the dignity of the evil queen she is.

i feel a trip to the vet coming on.