What a week. Seems I am forever opening my journal entries with that phrase, but I can't help it. Something is always knocking me for six, so tonight I am relaxing with a bowl of ginger tea and writing things out.
Where to start...work. I was on my own for an entire week, except for the transfer coordinator, and had no clue I was supposed to do my boss's job until an officer from Special Ops poked his head in the door and said - "There's a guy who went out to court for resentencing who says they told him he's supposed to get out today. What are you gonna do about it?" I looked at him with wide eyes, gulped and said..."huh?" After reading articles in the paper about inmates who are mistakenly set free, my biggest fear has been entering something wrong in the computer and releasing someone who should not be released. And so I hopped on the phone, called the powers-that-be and the clerk of court in the county where the judgment took place. No resentencing papers had come back from court with him and none of the powers-that-be knew anything about it. The guy's felon time had run out, which meant he had to be transferred out to a minimum camp. First crisis averted. I won't go into the others because - you know what? It's my day off.
Bad news this week. My father's doctor has ordered some tests to see if his cancer has returned. He said..."It doesn't look good." Dad has decided he won't have treatment if it has come back. The last time he had chemo and radiation, and he never recovered well enough to eat more than mush. His salivary glands were cooked. He is in constant pain, and coupled with my brother's death, he simply hasn't any fight left in him.
I know people die...and that we grieve and heal and never forget. But sometimes, especially lately, it feels like if I could cup my world in my hands, it would run through my fingers like water.
8 comments:
(((Mara))) Sometimes you get the bear and sometimes the bear gets you. Life is so strange at times. I can understand how your Dad feels but it is so hard to cope with a loss like this. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. love, Sandi
Awww Mara I so wish I could give you a big hug. Words just don't seem to be adequate here. You certainly seem to have a lot of responsibility with your job and it seems you do it well. Paula
Mara, I am new to reading your journal so I was not aware
of everything that has been going on in your life lately but
I can so relate to feeling overwhelmed. Just know that it
does get a little easier with time, but holidays are hardest.
I am sending hugs and prayers your way. Stay strong.
Pat-- at journals. aol.com/krmprm/Roses rambling.
Giving you a big hug and a shoulder to cry upon. Sometimes, the best thing is to say is: I'm here, lean on me a bit.
Laini
Knowing that people die, & being oh so rational, only goes so far. I understand.
Woman sips ginger tea while felon roams community(j/K, but yeah, it could, & has, happened). ~Mary
{{{Mara}}} I'm glad you got the work problems handled. Enjoy that long weekend!
I'm sorry to hear about your Dad. Logically knowing those things about life don't make it any easier.
Thinking of You, Leigh
"I know people die...and that we grieve and heal and never forget. But sometimes, especially lately, it feels like if I could cup my world in my hands, it would run through my fingers like water."
It does feel like that some days doesn't it? My favorite phrase lately is "Life is almost always unfair, we even up the odds with love"...at the end of the day that's all we have left to give of ourselves , our love. (Hugs) Indigo
Mara, I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. I hope it isn't as bad as they think right now, but if it is, then my hope is that he can go peacefully and with no pain. You guys have had such a rough time, and I can imagine your father isn't feeling up to fighting right now. I remember that my father had one round of chemo, and said "No more." And really it would only have bought a little bit of time. He was fairly happy and comfortable until that last week, and able to do for himself until the last two days, so I know he made the right decision for him. My prayers are now with you and your dad and family.
As for work, I'm glad you were able to get the info you needed, and I wish that all people working in the prison system were as conscientious as you, but I know that even the best people can make mistakes. It's to your credit that you take your job so seriously.
Lori
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