It's more than a shame when a sick, elderly couple attracts buzzards in the guise of friendly neighbors, but that is exactly what has happened with my mother and father.
Since they have moved into the new house, a few of the neighbors have started hanging around. At first, I thought it was great, because neither my brother Mike nor I can be there all the time, and it was a comfort knowing there would be someone around in case they needed help and we weren't there immediately.
One neighbor - we'll call her Wanda, because that's her name - suddenly started popping over every day to dust-mop the hardwood floors. Mom was thrilled (not that we didn't mop the floors and do the dishes or whatever else she needed), and when I mentioned taking Mom for groceries, she said - Oh no, that's ok. Wanda will take me. I know I can count on her for anything I need!
ooooo-kay. Truth told, I felt a little shoved-aside, but realized she has a need for female friends. We all do.
She extolled the virtues of her new friend who took her shopping, took her to the drug store to get her prescriptions filled, and who would eventually, Mom said, come stay in the guest bedroom when she needed someone to help her with Daddy.
Today, she told me - "You know what..? Wanda asked me for some of my pain pills because her back was hurting, so I gave her one. She came back today and asked for some more." She also asked what happened to the pain medication Daddy had been switched from when he started on Morphine. When Mom refused her request for more pain meds and told her Hospice had collected the old medicine, Wanda suddenly had to leave. In a huff. And I learned, too, that Mom had suggested Wanda see her doctor about having something prescribed, but was told - Oh, I'd have to go in before they'll give me anything. And THEN I learned my nephew had seen Wanda going through Mom's medicine bag.
I don't think I'm being harsh when I say what bears repeating - it's a damned SHAME when the vultures start circling. Mom and Dad have their narcotic meds filled monthly. In Dad's case, monthly sometimes isn't enough because the pain has gotten so bad that even the morphine doesn't stop the breakthrough pain.
I see the need to be with them more than I am, but Mom doesn't want that. She's afraid Dad will "hurt my feelings" because he's so irritable from hurting. I don't CARE about that. The man has been hurting my feelings for 49 years, for God's sake, and that hasn't kept me away, yet. They're vulnerable to people like Wanda, now, even if they don't want to see it. I don't know what to do.
7 comments:
Wow a tough situation. You're damed if you do and you're damned if you don't. I'm sure you would like to strangle Wanda and she deserves it. I hope you can get through to your Mom and Dad what Wanda is up to. Good luck, Paula
Wow, this is a bad situation. Should you and Mike perhaps speak to Wanda personally about this? Should you go together to talk to your Mom about it and make sure she sees that Wanda was using her? And if so, what would you say? Your mother doesn't need to have to deal with someone like this who may catch her at a vulnerable time and get what she wants. And your parents don't need their paid meds stolen. Your nephew seeing her going through your mom's purse is very distubing.
Lori
That is such a shame that Wanda had an agenda but there is something else you may want to check. If Wanda was helping with any purchasing, did she have access to money and/or cards? Your parents might want to check and see if there were any unexpected purchases or maybe "cash back" on top of expected debits. Isn't it sad that some people have no conscience?
Donna
Mara, You've really got to watch out for people like her. As sad as it is to say, your mom needs to be very careful about her, and keep the meds in a hidden place, that No one else(except your family) knows about. You're right, there're a lot of vultures out there.
Take care of you and your family,
:) Leigh
I'm glad I read your later entry that your mother at least is aware now about Wanda. Yes, the vultures come in. And, really, sometimes people want the company so overlook things, sometimes they DON'T want company (even when it's someone they must see). I'm sure that one or two will be good people there in the neighborhood, just it's so hard to tell. A dogwalker ended up being one of the better neighbors in my dad's neighborhood. And, sometimes it's not the neighbors, but all the sales-pitches people, too. Are they vulnerable for helping out more charities than their budget can afford, things like that, too?
How far away are you and Mike are from them? It IS hard to get over, I know that, especially when they're saying NOT to come. Are they ready for someone like Meals on Wheels (which can provide a neutral, friendly "checking in" as well as much more affordable meals), or do you know anyone in that area, churches/synagogues, etc.? What about lawn care, etc.?
One day at a time, one day at a time. And, perhaps you can explain to your mother how you understand your dad is feeling pain and hence crankier, even if I'm sorry to hear he's been hurting your feelings for 49 years.
I hope your Mom now knows Wanda is not a good person. You need to find someone who lives near them that you can trust to pop in on them from time to time, keep it light and the person will not feel put upon. A lot of neighbors would be more neighborly if they weren't afraid of rejection or interfering. I also hope you will tell Wanda in no uncertain terms to "get lost" or maybe the local cops could do a check on her for outstanding warrants? I hate people that prey on the elderly very much. I had a organ salesman talk my Mom into an upgrade of $8,000 on a new organ....she has rhemutoid A in her hands, she can't play anymore...my family was floored when she let herself be talked into this. So it sits in the house, unplayed....looks good but that salesman's soul will have a lot to answer to at St. Peter's Gate. And I don't think he would get in either....love, Sandi
I am sooo sorry to hear this!I know you must be worried!
Sure you must dismiss this person..could hospice have someone else check on your dad or so? please let us know how you resolve this.
You'll be in my thoughts with your parents
huggggggggggggggs
natalie
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